i couldn't make it poetic or ornate
i was simply at a loss.
when the words failed me, the image of
staĆczyk came to mind. but alas he was invited to the
party. so it wasn't enough, wasn't the
same. I'm
experiencing a different kind of
pain.
02:28am Alex would say something to
calm me down no one will know me like he did. Eli would distract me with a
show or song no one will make me smile like he did. David would tell me shut
up. no one says it like him.
i want
you to lockeyes with me+tellit tome
straight. it's okay if you
smile,but i justneed to
hear
itfrom you. otherwise this alldoesn't
matter. itwould
have all just been
another one ofthose
things.
you didn't even really do anything bad.
it's mainly the stuff you didn't do.
i was measuring you against a version of youself i had heard you
describe to me.
you can give your all to others, so i wanted a slice of that
too.
i went above and beyond, but i feel like i'm just enabling
you at this point.
it wasn't reciprocated to the extent that i would have
liked.
i have needs and i can't be your biggest cheerleader if you
aren't mine.
there were times when you didn't listen to me when i raised a
boundary. i really didn't like that. so i'm going to sort these feelings out.
maybe you're my first true love or first ever heart
break.
i don't know how you'd feel about any of that
i never know who you're texting back. i just know you can always come
back to me.
tonight i don't know if you're out drinking with
friends.
you said it'd be the last time, but i'm not sure.
i just know you can always come back to me.
all i know for certain is that you can trust me.
maybe you're the biggest mistake or the greatest gift of my
life.
i'm not sure how to feel about any of this.
i just like speaking to you and having you around.
i hope this feeling doesn't expire for you before reaching
me.
truth be
told,
i liked having your attention. truth be told,
i liked how you would always be
the one to start conversation. BUT
I'LL BEGOODNOW, I'LL TRY TO
MEET YOU HALF WAY. i
won't play games anymore. ifwhen i miss
you,i'll reach out.