mariah_love1369

 

those eyes , i never could escape them. i remember looking into them for no more than a second before turning my gaze downward. you would never have that though, grabbing my chin with just enough force "look into my eyes when we are talking" you would say with an intensity that sent shivers to the nape of my neck that would travel down the length of my spine. making eye contact was you stepping inside my body reading me inside out tattooing yourself onto my inside to remind me i was yours.


(gonna finish later posting to save)

sometimesi wish i could kiss your broken heart and make the ache go away but that's not my place. You have a soul made of silk soft and beautiful, something no one would ever guess. kindness like rain after a heatwave that refreshes you ,puts a smile on your face. A heart so big  hidding behing  a hard exterior that only i can see through. always underestimating yourself , not believing what your worth,is the only flaw i can seem to find covered in all that perfection thats only perfect to me. i know there was a time when you were whole and didn't question why you were alive. she took that from you. Brought out all your insecurties, striped you of all your confidence, hit you while you were most vulnarable.The pain you've endured because of her over the years i can only imagine but choose not too because in a way it would hurt me,althouugh i couldn't tell you why. You deserve someone who will fill you with so much love that sometimes you think you're going to explode, a person who will accept you and everything you've been through, someone who would rather die than hurt you, the opposite of her. In another life maybe i would be that person but in this one i am not. All i am able to do now is pick you up everytime she throws you down, bored of you again; sweep up the pieces of your heart scattered along the floor and put them back together again. Your love for her is a drug that will kill you, all i can do is pray that you break the habbit.

Today i allowed myself to venture off into the depths of all my memories and think about us.wild nights we spent running around the streets trying to get a taste of life and loving every moment of it. escaping out of your house like trapped animals locked away in cages craving to be set free, getting so high we swore we could've touched the stars. our lips were fountains spilling secrets, dreams, hopes and fears into eachothers ears because we knew that this type of friendship isn't one that can be broken;but we were young then, naive. Drinking until everything was funny, smoking until our eyes were apple red and sucking on ciggeretttes because it calmed us down. These memories are the things i will remember when my skin is that of a prun and looking back on my young self is the only thing i can do to keep me alive. Today though i will only think about us for a moment so i don't end up holding onto false hope that we could ever go back to the way things we used to be. Now i escape into the night with someone else, i reach the moon with other people, i drink myself silly wtihout you and i stopped sucking on cigerettes. you changed as quick as the leaves do in the depths of autumn and i tried to be the tree, keep you hanging on ,but life doesn't work that way. Now you get high with someone else, sneak out with a new bestfriend, drink until you can't stand without me and suck down cigerettes and spilling your secrets with them, not me. The impossieble happened, we're no longer friends something no one could have predicted. I miss you terribly although i will never tell you that because you don't deserve the satisfaction, to you i was replacable, un important and not the type of friend you'd let go of your pride to save. So before the sadness engulfs me i'll stop the flow of memories that are my ex-bestfriend and pretend i'm fine .