Quotes added on Sunday, January 18 2015

he's just a daydream
& i'm his beautiful mistake
  <3

/ "Why do you have to act like you know when you don't know?/

 

               / "It's okay if you don't know everything." /

 

I am drunk and I do not understand at thing but this angel who is beside me - This angel, who is sitting...waiting, I think. I do not know. I am too busy staring, steadfastly ignoring the blood that fills my shoes. I can taste the vomit in my mouth but I shut it down - I shut it off - because this angel cannot see me in this state; this mad, howling, pathetic way in which I sway and swish; how I bemoan cheap rum that tastes of 409 and treacle. I feel so deep underwater when she looks my way, this angel - this thin goddess who has strange small teeth and bird bones. she looks at me and I want to vomitvomitvomit. She must know, because she smiles like a waif with her eyes red as I tremble and sway. oh god, I am dyingdyingdying. I want to die. I want to sacrifice myself to the porcelain god and vanish into that place where people mingle and hide in perfect synchronisation. I see she is gone and I am high; I do not understand my elation at having missed the chance to touch an angel but then I shudder and vomit onto my shoes - the rum the vodka the coke, it hits me in tides of violent sluggish brown and I soon realise that I could have just soiled an angel in my own stupid intoxication. yet here I am, alone, with blood in my shoes and vomit in my hair. I wonder what my life has become.

You couldn’t make yourself stop feeling a certain way, no matter what the other person did. You had to just wait. Eventually the feeling went away because others came along. Or sometimes it didn’t go away but got squeezed into something tiny, and hung like a piece of tinsel in the back of your mind.