myhead

I'm a lover & a fighter because
If you love them but don't fight, you'll lose them
If you fight for them but don't love them, you hurt them
But when you fight for them and love them
Chances are you win their heart

the worst day I was dating her
was better than the best day I wasn't
so now I'm left with memories
and to die thinking of the best

not knowing what to do isn't weakness
it isn't being stupid
and it's not being scared
not knowing what to do means either way you go you see the same length down the road
you just don't see the end

two of my friends were talking about how one of them has a crush on a guy
they said that it sucks when you like some one and they never liked you
I am inlove with a girl who doesnt like me
but we're still close and talk on the phone
we go to the same school
we've gone out and I've been through hell for her
I put her through a little bit
now apparently she has a crush on the guy sitting to my right
as onw of my friends just told him
now all I want is to get out of school and get to england to see my best friend
Lottie
and that wont happen anytime soon so
screw it
Whats the point of socializing
when you have shoes, jeans, a hoodie, and an ipod with awesome headphones?
I got solitary and music

Everytime i hurt her
i cut
6 fu/king times
when i cutted it wasn't 3 or 4
its atleast 20
i've cut 76 times in one night
This time she hurt me
when i hurt her i tried talking to her everyday
I guess she forgot if you read the message it tells the other person
when on facebook message
im trying to stop cutting
im getting baptised Saturday
I know she is gonna read this
And she will know its about her
and while you are reading this remember
i may have hurt you 6 times
but i never abandonde you
and if you dont want to talk to me
Keep ignoring me
cause i'm done being hurt
i'll leave you alone
So now i'm done being hurt
i thought i could love again
After being hurt
Time and time again
well guess i was wrong
so thank you for showing me
Love no one
and
life isnfull of lies

In myhead there was a dark path and a light
A path of death and path of flight
When I was young the path of light wath a pass of ease
the dark road was pointless
the light was the good path
at age 5 I lost my great grandmother
i went til i was 12 til my aunt died
the day of her funeral my uncle died
I went until i was 14 until another uncle died
in the third grade I was bullied by my entire school but two people
both girls
at a school of all mexicans.
I was called sebastered everyday
one day I wore a beanie to school
and they took it and played keep away
I punched one of them and we fought
just me and him
I won
no one messed with me after
fourth grade I failed
the next year I meet someone
we still are friends and she knows everything about me almost
fifth grade I moved to the middle of no where
christmas break of that year I started cutting
age 11
I'm 15
seventh grade I moved back to where I was in fourth grade
the end of that year I started to date a girl she was the most amazing girl I ever met
and still is
she showed me this website
but I know she won't read this because she hates reading long stories so by now she's stopped
we stopped going out the begining of this year
now as your reading this you may think why don't I take the light path
I stoped seeing it at age 5
when my great grandmother died
I never met my grandmother on my moms side
she killed herself two years before I was born
my mom grew up being emo
so why don't I go back to find the light path
easy because that path can't be found
It has to come to you
I beileve it will find me
one day
may be tomorrow
may be the day I find out I am going to die
but until then I got a razor
and a canves
and I have an Idea how to stop it all
but
I can't say it on here
if you understood this text you'll know why
and no it's not suicide
I know maybe three people read this and I know one of them is lottie
oh yeah I was so in the dark part I forgot about lottie no lottie isn't gonna replace the most amazing girl
but she is for sure the person I trust the most
I trust her with anything
my life
if I had to pick someone besides me or my mom to raise my brother eli
I would ask her cause I know I can trust her no matter what
now my mind is going back to the dark I will most likely cut because of this thought in my head
a daymare really and sometimes at night I can't stop it but I see eli infront of me
and my arm raises and wont stop I see the razor in my hand and I scream eli run but there's no sound
I feel the tears on my cheeks and he say's "bubba what's wrong?"
and the razor goes in at his belly button and goes up he screams and cries for me to stop
but I can't, I cant stop and he's crying begging me to stop then he drops so does the blade
It's satan playing his evil games now I know I can't let that happen and if that ever happened I'm cutting my throat ear to ear
and let the blood drain out of my body and endorse the pain cause tha's life the stupid game we play
there's a peak inside my mind 

I am about to admit my weakness
when my female friends say i'm begging you



and anything to see lottie/IJustNeedLovee i would do literlly anything to see her and trust me i mean that

HEY YOU!!!!
just wanted to tell your beautiful no matter what anyone says

honestly my favorite person ever is Ijustneedlovee aka lottie 
and one last thing she's the only one who will get this
I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!!!!!!!!