At the end of the day i'm the one
you text when you're in hospital.
I'm the one you stay back hours for. I'm the one you text during the day, at night, midnight and when the sun rises. I make you laugh and match your meme energy.
I'm the first one who showed interest in your journey to GOD. THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE EMBARASSING. i'M THE ONE WHO TRIED TO SUPPORT YOU WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
AT THE END OF THE DAY IT'S BEEN ME.
SO HERE I AM.
it
feels like i'm just standing still and
watering a flowing stream.
i don't see the point cause there is no point.
yet here i am.
it's like i'm setting myself up
for the biggest fall of my life.
i know myself,
it's THE ONE THING I WOULD NEVER COMPROMISE.
he's too cute.
his eyes, smile, laugh.
i like it all.
But i know how it would end.
so here i am.
watering a flowing stream.
i don't see the point cause there is no point.
yet here i am.
it's like i'm setting myself up
for the biggest fall of my life.
i know myself,
it's THE ONE THING I WOULD NEVER COMPROMISE.
he's too cute.
his eyes, smile, laugh.
i like it all.
But i know how it would end.
so here i am.
02:45am
I miss tea time
9pm will always
remind me of her.
i'm sorry
mel.
I miss tea time
9pm will always
remind me of her.
02:43am
i feel lost and i want
a giant redo.
can i go back to spring
when you wanted
to leave me for chris.
i would let you now.
i feel lost and i want
a giant redo.
can i go back to spring
when you wanted
to leave me for chris.
02:31
I should sleep
I should run
...
I'm not okay
I should sleep
I should run
...
I'm not okay
02:28am
Alex would say something to calm me down
no one will know me like he did.
Eli would distract me with a show or song
no one will make me smile like he did.
David would tell me shut up.
no one says it like him.
Alex would say something to calm me down
Eli would distract me with a show or song
David would tell me shut up.
02:24am
you pushed for so much
and when i can finally give it.
you stop pushing.
so i push
and you avoid.
you pushed for so much
and when i can finally give it.
you stop pushing.
so i push
and you avoid.
02:21am
I only knew them..
I don't know how to do this without them.
I only knew them..
I don't know how to do this without them.
02:19am
I wonder if i can ever forgive myself
I wonder if i can ever forgive myself
It's at this point that
I'm starting to understand what people mean when they say a
tattoo lasts forever.
When I look at my body and see only what used to be but is no longer there.
When I am constantly reminded of some of my hardest moments.
At the time I thought they would be reminders of what I overcame- but today they feel like reminders of pain.
They feel like I'm telling the world of a moment I feel stuck in, they feel like a scream for help that was ignored. They feel like a part of my life that I can't stop carrying.
I feel trapped by who I was in that moment.
When I look at my body and see only what used to be but is no longer there.
When I am constantly reminded of some of my hardest moments.
At the time I thought they would be reminders of what I overcame- but today they feel like reminders of pain.
They feel like I'm telling the world of a moment I feel stuck in, they feel like a scream for help that was ignored. They feel like a part of my life that I can't stop carrying.
I feel trapped by who I was in that moment.