i know this isnt gonna be pretty but im gonna vent and you know

                i know this isnt gonna be pretty but im gonna vent 
              and you know what i dont really care if nobody reads it 
     so here I go...
//so, way to many people think my life is perfect and they want me to stop complaining. well read this and tell me if you still think my life is so         "perfect" 
            about 2 months ago was finally the end of my bullying.
          I was bullied from December 29th until the end of June
              thats about 6 months.
 Yeah it was hard to go through it but I had to...
        6 months and i lost all my friends (i gained a few along the way but)
I was scared to go certain places where I used to be all the time
  I was threatened
Cyber bullied
Bullied at school
Laughed at
Harassed 
Left alone
even my bestfriend of 10 years left me
yeah 10 years
the only ones who were with me throughout the whole thing were
My bestfriends Pat&Cassie
oh and my gothic friends Meghan and Breanna 
Cassie introduced me to Kelsey and Tia 
Now we are all bestfriends
You guys are probably thinking "so it all worked out in the end"
 but your wrong. 
yeah i love them so much and i would do anything for them but 
the bullying didnt only lead me to loosing some friendships
but also my confidence
courage
pride
and self esteem
I felt as if i was never going to be good enough again
I spent many days and nights alone in my room crying with music loud trying to keep the world out
It only got worse from there.
Cassie Ashley and Pat are the only too people that know the complete truth of what was going through my head during my depression
That's only because I trust them with everything.
Yeah I trust others but not like I trust them
Btw all my bullies were my ex best friends
now we are all civil and we worked it all out
but the emotional scars are all still there.
They will never go away.
ever.
My current friends always listen to me complain about my 
guy problems
but its only because today marks the 14th guy to hurt me the 14th guy to play me the 14th guy to use me and lead me on
I havn't had an actual boyfriend since last August.
And I know I shouldn't be complaining because some people have never even had a boyfriend
My 3 current girl best friends have been bestfriends before I was in the picture so It makes me feel kind of awkward 
As for my family its not like a family at all.
Its more like 4 people living in the same house who talk occasionally
My brother spends his life in his room or out with his friends
My mom is at work most of the day and when she gets home Im the only one she talks to
My dad works all day as well when he gets home he says hi and goes straight downstairs and watches tv
My family is slowly falling apart
We are behind bills and yeah I can afford things but everytime I purchase something new its one step further from getting back on track
yeah other people have it worse i get it
but nobody will ever understand my pain that i go through every single day
See this smile on my face... its fake....
many people say theres is too.. but trying holding that fake smile on for 6 months it starts to get harder to hold and the tears start building up again
The horrible memories I'm left with will never go away.
Never
and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life.
So when somebody is complaining about something or is upset besides comparing it to you and saying how much better that have it why don't you just listen to what they have to say because it impacts their life more than you know.

And I know nobody read this but if you did I love you for just listening to me, something nobody else has done before... thanks♥